*Sometimes i wonder...*

my mind wanders
&
i wonder...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

to be fearless

remember just last month, i was appealing to you guys to donate some blood if you are fit and healthy enough?

today, when i went for tuition with nuha (zul's daughter), zul told me that she had passed away.

zul doesn't know me well enough or she would have known better than to tell me this before the start of tuition. I didn't give her her money's worth of effort today.

i dunno what to call her. she isnt a colleague, isnt an acquaintance. she definitely isnt a friend. we never got to be. but we sat 5 mins at the same table once. over the remnants of dinner.

i hate this. she's only 25. it sucks. it happened too fast.

sometimes, i wonder what it would be like to be a non-living object. death would be a non-issue. i could be an antique doll sitting in a museum behind a glass cabinet, protected and preserved for generations. and when mankind is extinct, there i would still sit, an inanimate replica of the species that once dominated earth, gathering dust, staring into space, a lonely reminder to nobody of what this earth once was.

fear will elude me.

i could be a jellyfish, a creature without a brain. i wouldn't fear a thing and when the tides wash me ashore one day, i'll dry out in the sun unafraid and unaware that death is lurking close.

i'll be too stupid to fear.

i could be a single cell organism. a bacteria. a virus. yeast. or an amoeba. i would reproduce by splitting myself into two and it wouldnt even hurt. i'll be one in a million under the microscope. unidentifiable and indistinguishable from the rest of my kind. my existence would be unknown and unimportant to everyone and to myself. i'll die and nobody would care or know. i wouldn't even know. i wouldn't even hurt. i wouldn't even realise i no longer exist and i wouldn't even care.

my existence would be too insignificant for me to fear its loss.

what is it like to be fearless?

Posted at 1/20/2009 1:18:04 am by stickfigure

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