Sunday, February 22, 2009
I've shifted! to:
http://www.xanga.com/rubyrubberband
update your bookmarks, links, favourites.... whatever ok?
I'll be moving my archive here to the new blog bit by bit sloooooooowwwwwllllyyyyy. I can't bear to just abandon them and leave them here. They hold 3 years' worth of memories!!
Posted at 2/22/2009 8:30:51 pm by
stickfigure
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Thursday, January 29, 2009
countless times,
countless thoughts.
countless lessons given,
countless lessons ignored.
countless nights.
countless torturous nights.
i'm a clown, a jester. i have a bloody red giant grin painted on my face and optimism is my curse.
Posted at 1/29/2009 3:47:12 am by
stickfigure
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
remember just last month, i was appealing to you guys to donate some blood if you are fit and healthy enough?
today, when i went for tuition with nuha (zul's daughter), zul told me that she had passed away.
zul doesn't know me well enough or she would have known better than to tell me this before the start of tuition. I didn't give her her money's worth of effort today.
i dunno what to call her. she isnt a colleague, isnt an acquaintance. she definitely isnt a friend. we never got to be. but we sat 5 mins at the same table once. over the remnants of dinner.
i hate this. she's only 25. it sucks. it happened too fast.
sometimes, i wonder what it would be like to be a non-living object. death would be a non-issue. i could be an antique doll sitting in a museum behind a glass cabinet, protected and preserved for generations. and when mankind is extinct, there i would still sit, an inanimate replica of the species that once dominated earth, gathering dust, staring into space, a lonely reminder to nobody of what this earth once was.
fear will elude me.
i could be a jellyfish, a creature without a brain. i wouldn't fear a thing and when the tides wash me ashore one day, i'll dry out in the sun unafraid and unaware that death is lurking close.
i'll be too stupid to fear.
i could be a single cell organism. a bacteria. a virus. yeast. or an amoeba. i would reproduce by splitting myself into two and it wouldnt even hurt. i'll be one in a million under the microscope. unidentifiable and indistinguishable from the rest of my kind. my existence would be unknown and unimportant to everyone and to myself. i'll die and nobody would care or know. i wouldn't even know. i wouldn't even hurt. i wouldn't even realise i no longer exist and i wouldn't even care.
my existence would be too insignificant for me to fear its loss.
what is it like to be fearless?
Posted at 1/20/2009 1:18:04 am by
stickfigure
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Monday, January 12, 2009
omg school SCHOOL!!
i'm finally going back to school!! i'm so excited, it's like i'm a year one again.
sorry for sounding like a nerd but honestly, you wouldn't know how great school is until you've thrown yourself into the working world prematurely for a year. i really really really miss the mentally stimulating discussions in tutorials arguing over issues nobody in the real world will really cares about (e.g. the counter feminist argument is set in a phrase that is seemingly commonsense knowledge which is uncontestable. it concerns the acknowledgement of ideological messages for which the speaker/writer will not take responsibility for......." and poring through thick, dusty books whose contents have been long neglected by the majority of the students - yes i admit my major is an unpopular one.
i haven't got so excited about school in a looooooong time.
i'm gonna make this last semester a great one and throw myself into my studies like i've never before. it will probably be the last chance i have in the next few years (until i return to school again for my masters) to mug!
i'm also announcing here that i will be shifting to xanga soon. i am already doing up the new blog.
why?
because in the 3 years i've been with blogdrive, it has
been temporarily shut down because the people responsible FORGOT to pay the yearly fee for the domain - this is the thing i CANNOT forgive!
went through a few MONTHS on and off when i couldn't write any entries because for some reason, space for typing my entries disappeared.
super limited space for photos - i've nearly used up all my space already and i have like what? 5 pictures?
not allowed me to visit my own page recently because i keep getting "connection interrupted" when i try to go to my page. it's not my com's problem. kim complained too.
lost my entries because when i pushed the "published" button, it says "server under maintenance" HELLO ever heard of autosave? blogspot has it!
"£$%^&£"$%^&
they have too many bugs and too few responsible people in charge.
enough of this shit. i'm leaving. soon. and i'll put the link up here.
i know it may be inconvenient for you guys, but i know my closest friends will care enough to take the little bit of trouble to update your links/bookmarks.
Posted at 1/12/2009 12:26:25 am by
stickfigure
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Monday, January 05, 2009
my cute leetle wee honourary pet baby lizard tiny toes
nobody really knows this, but i have a thing for wee little baby lizards.
it started years ago when somehow, a baby lizard got into the fridge and i saw it when i opened the fridge for some milk. i spent a good 5 mins staring at it, marvelling at its round black beady eyes. they are rather huge for its face and i thought that made it kinda pretty. it also had 5 tiny toes on each foot and a slender little tail. omg i went crazy over the tiny toes. you know how babies (human ones i mean) have really cute fingers cos they are so miniature and doll-like? well, the tiny toes on lizards have the same effect on me.
a few weeks ago, i spotted this baby lizard in the middle of the kitchen floor. i had suddenly switched on the light to get some water and i think it didnt have time to react and hide. it also apparently havent learn not to walk in the middle of floors at night cos people can just step on it accidentally in the dark and squish it.
i dunno if this is something baby lizards learn to learn but i think they definitely should learn it. a "pro" adult lizard will never be spotted no? or at least they will never be caught unawares in the middle of the floor out in the open and totally vulnerable! we only see them scuttling on the walls usually.
ever since spotting that cute little baby, i've been careful to always reach for the light switch beside the kitchen entrance BEFORE even putting a foot into the kitchen. just so i will not accidentally squish the clueless baby.
a week ago, i spotted the cute baby in the bathroom! it was on the ceiling, flicking its tongue at a spider! omg animal planet right in my toilet! so i stood to watch. and i was sliently cheering for MY cute wee little baby lizard.
yes. it's mine now. unofficially. i've adopted it as my honourary pet, even though the adoption isnt mutual and it doesn' know it has acquired a human.
i name it tiny toes
the spider escaped in the end but i was happy for my baby anyway. this is progress isnt it? from its deer-in-headlights stance in the middle of the kitchen floor to actually hunting for dinner! woohoo! *claps for it*
and today i spotted it again on the bathroom wall! i went up close and stared at it. then i dashed off and got my sis's digicam. it was still on the wall, motionless when i came back. good baby. clever baby. it didn't run!
so now i have 2 snapshots of my wee little baby lizard, teeny toes, beady eyes and all.
i shall track its progress in life as long as it allows me to. the day i stop spotting it, is the day i can safely assume it has grown up to be a "pro" lizard that learns to hide properly.
yes i am aware i just dedicated a whole entry to a baby lizard who deosnt even recognise me as its human. but no i'm not crazy. neither am i exaggerating. i really do have these soft fuzzy feelings for baby lizards. i know lots of people think of them only with disgust, looking at them much like worms because of their wriggly-ness.
but u got to remember, i'm the girl who managed to develop feelings for a crayfish.
um yes, the list of 30 things i wanna do before 30 will come next. i couldnt wait to blog about my baby lizard.
Posted at 1/5/2009 1:23:54 am by
stickfigure
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Thursday, January 01, 2009
diao, the ever enthu clubber very hopefully tried to un-hermit me today by asking me to go clubbing.
he wish!
i never go anywhere on xmas eve, xmas day, new year's eve and new year's day. never ever. i play hermit. i'm a crowd hater, fearer and avoider. heck, i dont even like shopping during weekends! and that says alot because i love shopping. besides, i have the tendency to faint in crowds. done that twice already. shall try not to do it again.
the only ways anyone can ever get me outta the house during these days are:
1) if i like u alot. like i did for cf when 2006 turned to 2007. we went to watch fireworks at the padang.
2) if the club's in pulau ubin. and the only crowd is a crowd of mosquitoes.
3) if you have a car, have reserved a table at a restaurant and a vip room at a club. so i can zoom straight from car to table to private room and avoid all crowds.
4) if you entice me with sgd 500. minimum.
so.... im here hermitting and blogging. and reflecting.....
2008... wasnt a particularly good or bad year for me. achievements-wise, it was definitely a good year. i fact, i think i went through milestones. however, i also went through my first ever breakup so things sort of even out.
i would say 2008 was the year i did alot of growing up - the year when i learnt alot and took on new perspectives to various issues in my life. it was the year i started seeing things differently and took off the rose tinted glasses of the naive.
i threw myself prematurely into the "real world" with my double internships. i experienced what it will be like to work in an MNC and what it will be like if i get my dream career as a writer.
i travelled for the first time on my own, with no "adult supervision". i went to bintan with fang. jsut the 2 of us. it could be either sheer bravado (we have both never been there b4 talk about blind leading the blind) or real stupidity. we got back safe and sound, much to the relief of my disbelieving mother.
i had my first ever breakup, and i plodded on through my internships despite the emotional trauma. it happened in end-january and the effects reverberated for the next 11 months.
heh died and i had to face one of my biggest phobias - death.
these being the main highlights (and lowlights?) of my year, how can anyone not grow up? the double internships and the breakup were the biggest force behind my change. it's kinda hard to pinpoint how exactly i've changed. it's this intangible feeling within me that seems different. i definitely think differently and approach things differently now. exactly how different, i can't identify till i'm at a task. i suppose i need to get used to this new me inside me. maybe i'll come round to that in 2009.
and that's my reflection for 2008
resolutions for 2009...
1) start jogging 3 times a week! and slowly increase each run to 4.8km.
2) STOP shopping for half a year because back up hubby wants to go istanbul for grad trip with a budget of 3k. i will really LOVE shopping vouchers as bday prezzies next year because i will suffer terrible withdrawal symptoms otherwise.
3) stop thinking and calling that woman a two faced bitch. i'm no longer angry so the habitual angry nick has got to go.
4) stick strictly to my weekly hair mask + full body exfoliation + foot scrub, daily toning + moisturising beauty routine
5) be a neater person instead of doing a weekly cleanup after accumulating mess throughout the week.
6) be punctual (omg this is gonna be so hard)
7) sleep before 1am
8) be thriftier even after my istanbul trip
i think that's enough to work on and i shall print it out and put it on my noticeboard as a constant reminder to work towards them.
this entry is too long so i shall do my 30 things to do before 30 list in the next entry.
happy new year everyone!
Posted at 1/1/2009 1:49:36 am by
stickfigure
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